Ashes and Wine
by bitterlove93
Summary: People are born with a fight or flight reflex. But there comes a point where a person can't persevere any longer. Leah just didn't expect for anyone to come after her.
1. Chapter 1

_Don't know what to do anymore, I've lost the only love worth fighting for_

_I'll drowned in my tears, don't men see_

_That would show you, that would make you hurt like me_

_All the same, I don't want more playing games_

_It's just a shame, to let you walk away_

_Is there a chance, a fragment of light_

_At the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight_

_Is there a chance you may change your mind_

_Or are we ashes and wine_

_Don't know if our fates already seen_

_This day's a spinning circus on a wheel_

_And I'm ill with the thought of your kiss_

_Coffee-laced, intoxicating on her lips_

_Shut it out, I've got no claim on you now_

_Not a lot to weigh your freedom down, no_

_Is there a chance, a fragment of light_

_At the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight_

_Is there a chance you may change your mind_

_Or are we ashes and wine_

_And I'll tear myself away_

_Because if that is what you need_

_there is nothing left to say but. . ._

_Is there a chance, a fragment of light_

_At the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight_

_Is there a chance you may change your mind_

_Or are we ashes and wine_

_We're distilled ashes and wine_

_Or are we ashes and wine - Ashes and Wine, A Fine Frenzy_

Emily was her cousin. She shouldn't be feeling such hate towards a relative. A loving relative. But when Leah received the wedding invitation in the mail, she had experienced a surge of anger towards the closest thing to a sister she had ever had that was far beyond rationalization. But her anger was quickly followed by a load of heart wrenching sadness that was the lowest emotional point in her life. She knew Sam was going to get around to it, she told herself. "Get a hold of yourself, Leah. He's been thinking about it for weeks," she told her empty house, but it didn't lessen the pain. The heartbreak rushed forward in a tidal wave as she collapsed onto a nearby couch, cradling her head in her hands. Leah knew the power of the imprint, but she had always believed that under the compulsion of loving Emily, of the imprint, that he truly loved her, the one he had chosen of his own free will. But apparently, she had been wrong. And the result of this mistaken calculation had led her to so much grief, so much hurt. But after an hour of countless sobs, innumerable tears, and unstoppable pain, Leah went numb. There were no more tears left to cry, her voice lost its ability to make noise, and she felt no more. It was an out of body sensation like nothing she had ever experienced. And while she sat and contemplated from the outside looking in, she experienced an epiphany. A moment of clarity, a lucidity that brought the world into technicolor. And Leah stood, and went to her bedroom, and packed. If a stranger had peeked in on such a scene, they would have seen such an action as insignificant. But Leah understood that the magnitude of the impact of such an act was incomprehensible. She only took the necessary toiletries and clothes, all the money and credit cards in her name, got into the car she had owned since she was 16, and drove off the reservation. And then, the world that she had once identified as her own transformed into a living, breathing time bomb.


	2. Chapter 2

_I don't know what I've done_

_Or if I like what I've begun_

_But something told me to run_

_And honey you know me it's all or none_

_There were sounds in my head_

_LIttle voices whispering_

_That I should go and this should end_

_Oh and I found myself listening_

_'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cos she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_See I thought love was black and white_

_That it was wrong or it was right_

_But you ain't leaving without a fight_

_And I think I am just as torn inside_

_'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cos she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call_

_You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all_

_But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you_

_This is what I have to do_

_'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you_

_All I know is that I should_

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you_

_All I know is that I should_

_'Cos she will love you more than I could_

_She who dares to stand where I stood_

_Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood - Where I Stood, Missy Higgins_

When Sam awoke the next day, he felt different. It wasn't good, nor was it bad, but it just was. Like something had changed, but he didn't know what. He kissed his fiancee good morning and went to shower and shave, but couldn't dismiss the feeling that something important was missing. He turned off the shower and headed down to greet his wife once more, welcoming the scent of pancakes that drifted up the staircase. As he sat down to swallow his first bite, Embry and Seth barged in to the kitchen. After saying hello to Emily, the pack began to drift into the familiar conversations that had become tradition. The conversation was mundane at best until Seth spoke up.

"Leah's missing." Sam nearly choked, freezing mid swallow.

"What?" he managed to say, after he finished choking.

"I said, she's gone. But I'm not too worried, she'll come back. She always does."

This was a point Sam agreed on. Leah had run away more than once, but she always came back a few days later no worse for the wear. But something still bothered him about her leaving. It wasn't like she could be kidnapped, or anything along those lines, but Leah had, and always would, pull at his heartstrings, even with the imprint.

"Did she leave a note?" Embry piped in, to break the pregnant pause that had settled upon the table.

"Yes, as usual. It said 'Goodbye, Love Leah.'" Seth spoke, a tint of disgust coloring his tone.

"What a drama queen." Embry added, catching the light undertone.

"Hey, I know. I live with it everyday." Seth replied, descending upon a topic that could always be talked about, how annoying Leah was. Sam began to zone out on the conversation, not deeming it important enough to participate in. Besides, it did not reflect well on his leadership skills if he complained about his followers behind their backs. After dismissing the initial panic of Leah's disappearance, he let the matter settle in the back of his mind, where it would rest until her return. Sam returned to the conversation with his final departing thought.

**It's not like she would actually leave for good.**


	3. Chapter 3

_It don't matter to the sun_

_If you go or if you stay_

_No, the sun is gonna rise, gonna rise_

_Shine down on a another day_

_There will be tomorrow_

_Even if you choose to leave_

_'Cause it don't matter to the sun no, no_

_It matters to me_

_It ain't gonna stop the world_

_If you walk out that door_

_This old world just keeps spinning round, spinning round_

_Like it did the day before_

_'Cause to them it makes no difference_

_It just keeps on keeping time_

_'Cause it ain't gonna stop the world no_

_But it'll be the end of mine_

_So what can I say?_

_What can I do?_

_I'm still in love._

_Why aren't you?_

_'Cause it don't matter to the moon_

_If your're not in my life_

_No the moon will just keep hanging round, hanging round_

_Like its just another night_

_Who find another place to shine_

_On some other lovers dreams_

_'Cause it don't matter to the moon no, no_

_It matters to me_

_'Cause it don't matter to the moon no, no_

_But it matters to me - It Don't Matter to the Sun, Rosie Thomas_

Leah didn't come back. One day passed, two days passed, and on and on. After a week, people began to wonder what happened, where she could have gone. But she was dismissed, because as important as she was, being the only female wolf and all, she wasn't all that necessary for everyday life. People enjoyed the peace they could receive without the bitter werewolf in the picture. And life went on, and on, and on. At one month, Sam became slightly more concerned but once again dismissed the idea, being as Leah's a big girl and she can take care of herself. After three months, Seth and his family notified the Elders of her disappearance, but took no action, being as Jacob had been gone for six months before his return. The space would be good for her, they said, she will finally move on. But the seventh month and eighth month and ninth month of the anniversary of her disappearance came and went, and people, especially the Clearwaters, began to panic on a larger scale. By the tenth month after Leah left, the police launched a full scale investigation for the runaway, Leah Clearwater, but to no avail. She must have changed her name, they said. Started working, she's been gone for ten months. She didn't run away for kicks, she's starting a new life. And Sam went into a full blown panic, because as much as he loved Emily, he loved Leah. He needed Emily like he needed air, but he the love smothered by the imprint refused to die. And so, with the Elders permission, Sam went on a search for the Leah. The last lead the police had managed to discover on her location was that she took a plane to Phoenix and took a connector to the city of New York. Sam took a 7 hour flight to New York that afternoon.


	4. Chapter 4

_I've been down and_

_I'm wondering why_

_These little black clouds_

_Keep walking around_

_With me_

_With me_

_It wastes time_

_And I'd rather be high_

_Think I'll walk me outside_

_And buy a rainbow smile_

_But be free_

_They're all free_

_So maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home_

_So maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home_

_I look around at a beautiful life_

_Been the upperside of down_

_Been the inside of out_

_But we breathe_

_We breathe_

_I wanna breeze and an open mind_

_I wanna swim in the ocean_

_Wanna take my time for me_

_All me_

_So maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home_

_So maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home_

_So maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home_

_So maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home_

_So maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home_

_So maybe tomorrow_

_I'll find my way home - Maybe Tomorrow, Stereophonics_

Leah was not surprised when no one came looking for her after the first month. She was more concerned about the long term ideas. She wondered when they would realize that her disappearance was not the same as Jacob's, and realized they probably wouldn't until it was too late. And that thought comforted her, the idea that she wouldn't have to hide. But it hurt, too, finally acknowledging that she had pushed away anyone who would care about her disappearance. But she ignored the hurt, and went on about her business. She had a GED, so it was easy enough to get a day job, and she had signed up for night classes at the local community college. Her apartment was on par, with sub par roommates, but beggars can't afford to be choosers. At first her unavailability to transform nagged at her, and she became restless for indeterminable amounts of time. But she walked off the burn, knowing it would be worth it in the end. At the sixth month, she no longer had any urge to take wolf form at all. Without the use of her wolf form, her connection to the pack lessened day by day. Now, they were just a faded memory, a mundane presence whose voices no longer had sound. It gave her small comfort to be able to acknowledge that her brother was alive and well, and not under a large amount of emotional distress. She knew that they no longer could hear her thoughts, she had put enough distance between herself and them. And that thought alone made her rejoice. It had been a year since she had had absolute privacy in her own mind, and lack of invasion made her less touchy, knowing that the people around her would only know what she wanted them to know. Now she could grieve over her heartbreak and move on, and she soon became friends with a roommate who could understand. While it took a long time to move on from Sam, the pain diminished without constant mind communication and contact. And with the urging of her roommate, Sam, short for Samantha (oh, the irony), she started dating.

She had forgotten how much fun it was to just go out and flirt with guys, just for the hell of it. She even enjoyed the embarrassing blind dates, the awkward ones, and the ones with the undesirables. She especially liked the ones that ended with one night stands. Oh, yeah. Leah was back. And any reminders of Sam motivated her to look for the right guy for her, because there were more fish in the sea. It was only a matter of time before she reeled in a good one. She just didn't expect her ex-turned-cousin's-fiancee to show up and object.


End file.
